Before college, I didn’t drink at all, and even in college, I don’t drink very much; once every couple weeks during the school year, maybe once or twice a week during vacations. During this short time, I’d never been able to get myself to like beer. I always wanted to, but I just never could. The taste always reminded me of garbage (or at least, what I imagine garbage would taste like). I spent a fair bit of time on Google trying to find what beers other people really like, and every one I tried had the same garbage-y taste.
One day, with the prospect of playing a drinking game while watching Independence Day (drink every time there’s an explosion… ughhh…), I decided I’d try a lite beer, so I wouldn’t feel like I’d eaten an entire loaf of bread after my third bottle. I did a little research, and found that people had great things to say about Sam Adams Light. I got a six-pack, and to my surprise, I didn’t hate it as much as I hated other beers. $9.00 for a six-pack of somewhat-tolerable liquid is pushing it, but at least I could play drinking games with my friends without resorting to Mike’s Hard Lemonade.
The important part was this: instead of tasting like beer (and, by association, garbage), it tasted like water with a slight aftertaste of beer/garbage. This made me wonder: is there a beer that really just tastes like water? I asked my friend Trenton. The answer? Natty Light.
I’d been looking in all the wrong places. The people who had been telling me the “best beers” were people who loved beer and think it tastes like the nectar of the gods. I hate beer and think it tastes like the nectar that drips from a leaky garbage bag, so of course, the best beer for me is the one that tastes as little like anything as possible. And as fortune would have it, the best beer for me is also the cheapest beer. For less than the cost of two six-packs of Sam Adams light, I can buy a 30-rack of Natty Light.
Don’t get me wrong, it still tastes gross. In the end, I really just don’t like the taste of alcohol very much, and beer is no exception. But unlike with “good” beer, I can drink a few cans of Natty Light without dreading the taste of garbage each sip. And that’s something I think we can all drink to.
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I was sitting at my cubicle today, eating a salad (with fat free sun dried tomato dressing) for lunch. Despite a perfect knowledge of my spill-happy past, I ate the salad leaning back in my chair.
